A Sparrow/Griffin Joint

Stewie/Jackmun, here

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 01:26:08 GMT

I'm officially resigning as a Sages moderator. I have been meaning to do it for a while.

Because apparently there's been a question of people hacking in and deleting posts on Sages using a moderator's account, I am removing my char journal from the situation, because I'm very tired of being blamed for things that go down on Sages.

For the record, I am not blaming this on anyone, and I'm not leaving due to any disagreement. Sages is just not something I'm interested anymore, and I haven't the time to moderate it.

My heartfelt thanks and appreciation for all the wonderful people I've met through RPing. I can safely say that it's the people playing Sages who have made it what it is today.

When I have more time, I'm going to do a long post detailing all the reasons why I left. I'm going to be honest and forthright, and probably dispel quite a few rumors - and maybe confirm a few too. But to avoid wanking and rumor-spreading, I want to repeat: I'm not leaving because of any one person.

With Sincere E-Love,
Jack/StewieMun

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 02:09:26 GMT

Why the FUCK is no one able to tell me where Tabby is?

Oh. Because I keep forgetting to ask.

...

Goddammit all to the bowels of bloody hell!

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 12:18:33 GMT

There just are no words for this.

No words, no feelings, no livejournal mood icon. 6 years I hold back.

*sighs* I can't even bring myself to be sorry.

Stewie Griffin, here.

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 20:13:52 GMT

I met the most delightful woman last night. She's so gorgeous and evil. She's the love of my life, I'm sure of it. She even marked me so no other vampires would try to kill me. We're going to dance on the grave of the world one day.

Jack's girl brought me milk. She will be spared when I rise to power. Well, she'll make the first round of cuts, anyway.

Jack, on the other hand, will not. I'm going to let Auntie Dru eat his eyes right out of his head.

*giggles*

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 01:31:03 GMT

I'll be gone for a while. Tabby can get into contact with me, when she's ready.

I'm truly sorry.

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 18:05:11 GMT

*saunters into the shack and through the living room, looking particularly content*

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 15:35:47 GMT

*wakes up in Fight Mode, waving his arms over his face in an attempt to protect himself from what turns out to be a carrier pigeon sitting unconcernedly on his chest*

Pennyworth? I thought she killed you!

*looks at Leela's empty half of the bed* She snuck out! I feel so... used.

*limps out of the bedroom (his back having lost a great deal of it's elasticity yesterday) and looks ruefully at the wall, then stops short, looking around the living room*

She cleaned. Of course she cleaned. *tries to stretch his back* That woman's going to be the death of me.

I'm going to have a very un-piratey hot bubble bath and try to loosen up a little.

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 14:40:53 GMT

And where exactly is the fucking coffee? *kicks over a pile of Stewie's mechanical crap in the kitchen*

There has never been MORE of a hangover than I have right now, I'm in a bad mood, and I can't even have coffee because it's just FAR to much to ask that the coffee be kept where I put it. After all, why would the coffee actually be where it goes. It's unfathomable!

*throws a brief pirate temper-tantrum*

((the comments of this entry became sexual in nature, and if you're slavish to a kind and gentle Cap'n Jack, you might not care to read it.))

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 00:13:31 GMT

Tabby and Jimmy are back together. Looks to me like Tabby's going to be bottom-rung of a three step ladder, savvy? As well as Meals On Wheels for Adrian. I do not understand that girl.

Things with Leela are a little odd. She's so shy with me. She'll talk to Jimmy, but not me. I'm afraid she's gotten a mis-impression of my proclivities.

*sigh* To make matters worse, Stewie has been on the phone all day to England, talking about Sages. From his tone, I'm vaguely afraid.

Stewie Griffin, here.

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 07:39:58 GMT

God, Jack is positively insufferable when he's in love. He sings. It's not a bad singing voice, really, but he never stops. To make matters worse, it's old sea-shanty type crap, and he only knows about half the words.

This damn cat is driving me nuts. I mean, I love her. She's so delightfully evil. But, she is driving me absolutely mad. I suppose she misses Tabby, which is ridiculous. But, there it is.

Speaking of the red-haired she devil, she's certainly stirred up quite a mess. No one seems to know where she spent the night last night. She just showed up plastered this evening. So, naturally, my suspicions fell to Ron, but he denied having seen her. Though, they had a rather cryptic conversation a few minutes ago. God, I wonder if she's sleeping with him. *shudder* My instincts tell me they're not, and for the sake of my upchuck reflex, I'm choosing to believe them. I think they're planning something, or maybe he's trying to screw her and hasn't worn her down yet. That seems unlikely, though. She looked pretty worn down when I saw her. She looks kind of broken, in fact. I love that in a woman...

It's amazing how difficult the little household chores are when you're only a year old. How the bloody hell am I supposed to reach the top shelf of the cupboard to clean? Oh, piss it. I'm going to bed.

Stewie Griffin, here.

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 22:12:59 GMT

I am SO tired. That damn pirate woke me up at 6:00 am to talk about his adventures with the zombie and Desire and blah blah blah. All I really got out of it is that apparently Jimmy and Jack made out for a while, and somehow this averted a crisis.

Whatever.

In any case, the shack is an absolute disaster area, Jack's already blitzed out his mind, and he went off to find Leela, whoever THAT is.

God, I hate my life.

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 20:09:32 GMT

*groan* That zombie is one dirty son of a bitch. There's blood when I pass water, and my mouth tastes like graveyard dirt.

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 04:03:03 GMT

'ello, all! It's your old pal Jack. Stewie's gone to spend the night at Charlie Manson's house. Somewhere in California, if I read the note right. Between you and me, that baby's got the worst handwriting I've ever seen. I can't make out half o' what he writes.

Anyways, in celebration of Stewie's departure, I had dinner with Will Turner. I've not seen him in months. And he was alone this time. He didn't say anything specific, but I got the impression his marriage to Elizabeth isn't going so well. I think Valentine's was hard on him. Rest easy, ladies. He's still as pretty as ever. Just looks a little more tired.

Went very easy on him, I did. Tender, even.

AnaMaria won't take my calls. She's got a new guy, I guess. I can't say that I'm hurt, exactly. I think I'm stung.

Ah, well. Young William is going to bed. If I don't tuck him in, they'll be Hell to pay. (Does it surprise you that he's high maintenance?)

~ Fare thee well, friends!

Stewie Griffin, here.

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 21:39:21 GMT

Well, Jack and I got back today. The shack was both thoroughly cleaned and repaired while we were gone, so I can't actually hear the wind whistling through the ceiling anymore. That was nice.

What was even nicer was coming home to find a wino had taken up in the shack. It's been SO long since I had a chance to use my Death Ray on somebody. Unfortunately, the ricochet took out the freshly drywalled breakfast nook, but we'd probably never have used it anyway. I drink my breakfast from a sippy cup, and Jack drinks his from a flask, so I can't really see a lot of pancake breakfasts getting served there, anyway.

Jack and I are getting along swimmingly. Our captors have agreed to provide me with both a well-stocked library and a small studio for my many ongoing projects, while all Jack needed was more rum and 12-week run of penicillin. We're both happy with our new arrangements, so it's much easier to get along with each other. Of course, as soon as he got here, he was off visiting AnnaMaria, but that's alright. I've got plenty to do without him underfoot.

Cheers!

Stewie Griffin, here.

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 22:32:32 GMT

Our captors got wind of our little kerfuffle over in sages_of_chaos and have come to take us to "family therapy". Jack was just drunk enough to try to fight them. I'll admit I got quite a thrill out of watching them tranquilizer-dart him. He's in a coma in the floor of a government SUV as I type this.

I've got to run. I said I was just coming back in to grab Rupert and fill up a flask for Jack. I don't know when we'll be back, but hopefully we'll have solved some of our problems.

Wish us luck...

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 19:11:52 GMT

'ey, don't be listening to that barmy little codger. Your old pal Jack is just fine. AnnaMaria swung by a bit ago, and I've been visitin' with her down the lane. See, her flat is much nicer than ours, and doesn't reek of dirty diapers. Can't blame a fella for wantin' a little time off, yeah?

Stewie Griffin, here.

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 17:49:11 GMT

You know, I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I should be updating every day! And I'm SO behind over on sages_of_chaos. I mean, I'm a friggin megalomaniac baby! What the bloody hell else am I doing? It's not as if I'm a fulltime college student who just got done taking first semester finals while working 30 hours a week, plugging away on a novel, somehow still finding time to be a good granddaughter, AND watching The Return of the King: Extended Edition.

If I had something like that going on, I might have a decent excuse. But, no. Just a baby.

I haven't seen Jack in a week as of this evening. I managed to capture a stray dog earlier in the week, and I've been working on breaking his spirit so I can ride him like a horse, since my attempt a hovercraft failed spectacularly. If I get him sufficiently trained, I'm going to take him out looking for Jack.

I rather imagine I'll find him frozen solid under some bushes somewhere, probably with an empty rum bottle in his hand.

Stewie Griffin, here.

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 19:09:51 GMT

Well, haven't I had the day from hell? I finally completed work on my hovercraft and took it out for a spin. I was going to see if I could find a Bloomingdale's so I could do a little Christmas shopping and maybe find a Radioshack so I could mine parts for a new stun gun. However, my plans were thwarted when I got distracted by a billboard for the tv show Lost and flew smack into a tree.

I'm fine, but I had to walk almost the whole way back. It's cold here.

Jack wasn't here when I got home. He's been nancing around all day, getting ready. Apparently he's expecting Hannibal Lecter over for dinner later. Against my strong recommendations, Jack is serving beef. I told him I've still got a side of MailMan hanging in the walk-in, but he insisted on rum-steeped prime rib. It's just as well, I guess. I'm not even sure what kind of wine to serve with human flesh, and I'm sure Lecter would know. I'd hate to guess and be wrong... although I'm guessing it would have to be some kind of claret would be appropriate, although I doubt I could get a decent bottle of it out here in the sticks...

Stewie Griffin, here.

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 22:02:40 GMT

Well, it's been a long time since I've updated. Jack's been violently ill for over a week, and he vomited all over the laptop. I had to get a Gateway computer specialist over here to fix it. When he finally bothered to show up, little snot was suck a prick, I made him eat his own ear before I killed him.

Got a new computer, though. FINALLY I can play Spider Solitaire.

Jack's finally doing better. It's amazing what a dose of penicillin large enough to kill a racehorse will do for a pirate. I swear, he even smells better now, although that probably has a lot to do with the bath.

I hired a hooker to give him a bath, because *I* sure as hell wasn't doing it. The poor thing, I had to hold a gun on her to keep her from bolting. I'm sure she thought I was hiring her for an erotic bath with rose petals and that sort of rubbish. Not to scrub a semi-conscious pirate who smelled like rotting cheese. I was tempted to kill her, but I assumed she would consider death a sweet release after washing Jack's scrotum. So I let her live. Didn't pay her, though.

I bought Jack some pants. Really loose ones. Maybe he'll keep them on...

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 18:11:39 GMT

Behold my glorious new icon, adapted from a picture given to me by SoC's newest adviser, Doom!

You will bow to me!

In other news, Jack's got "the flu", although I'm fairly sure that what Jack REALLY has is "the syphilis" (That weird sore that won't heal on his face... Note to self: don't touch anything that Jack has touched). He's too sick to drink rum, which I guess means he's probably at Death Imminent. No great loss, there. I doubt his rotting body will smell much worse than his living one.

I'm starting work on a new project. It's all very up-in-the-air just now, but if things go as planned, I should have a fantastic new weapon/vehicle within the week, longer if I have to ship parts from Honduras and Japan.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 15:42:41 GMT

It's a lovely morning here today. I took my morning milk in the garden, where I crucified the flayed body of the mailman. I know, I know - it's been done. And I don't wish to step on the toes of a man of vision like Vlad the Impaler. But I had to do something with the corpse, and digging was out of the question.

Using advanced star charting, I've come to the conclusion that this shack is somewhere in Maine. There has been a great deal of effort put behind this incarceration. No one in town will talk to Jack or I, and several of my schemes to trick them into divulging our location have been for naught.

I'm going to devote the day to rereading Dante's Inferno, one of my favorite bedtime stories. Maybe I'll make a nice sign to hang over the door that says, "Abandon hope, ye who enter here." Yes, that seems suitably dire...

Stewie Griffin, here.

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 05:30:21 GMT

God, I'm bloody tired. I had no idea yelling at people was going to be so bloody exhausting. Between offering advice, offering insults, and trying like hell to avoid watching Jack trying pitifully to seduce that damn poncy elf on the couch (sans pants, as usual), I've had a very long day.

God, I need a drink. And there's not a bloody drop of milk in the shack. Jack put it all in his coffee. You'd think a pirate would drink his coffee black, but nooOOoo. Not King Jack. He's got to have his milk. And now I've nothing to drink. Bastard.

Captain Jack Sparrow, here.

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 13:59:18 GMT

Stewie's been driving me crazy all mornin' so I hung him up by his over-all straps. You should see him; his little legs are kicking, and he's swearing up a storm! It's the cutest thing I've seen in ages.

I'm sober this morning (ugh). We're out of rum. Sadly, I know exactly WHY the rum is gone this time. I drank it. In some ways, it's almost nice not being drunk, for a change. But, in most ways, it's awful. I tend to think too much when I'm not drinking, and since I'm trapped here with nothing to do, thinking can be dangerous.

I may possibly have a visitor later today. I got a letter yesterday from an old friend, but when Stewie started dismembering the mailman, he just sorta tossed the liver haphazardly onto the letter, and the bile ate up the last paragraph before I had a chance to read it. It's either today or tomorrow.

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 02:24:14 GMT

Well, I got that damned hole in the wall patched. I suppose that makes our humble abode a "shack" again. For a little while there, it was pretty much just a fairly vertical pile of rubble. I'll fix this place up, I guess. After all, there's nothing to do but watch Jack running around without his pants on, and to be honest, it gets old.

Well, that and baiting doomworld into delightful spats, but that gets pretty old too. I've got a lovely drape scheme for the - BLAST! Drape! That was the word I couldn't figure out in the crossword this morning! 46 across: "To hang in loose folds". Bloody hell, you know I probably would have finished the damn thing if I had known that.

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 14:19:16 GMT

Oh good, that damn baby toddlezd off to town. Gol, I'm drunk today. Is it possible to wake up drunker than you were before you passed out?

That Stewie is the rudest person I think I've ever met. Last night I was trying to explain to him the value of dreadlocks as a hair-care approach for a pirate on the go, and he launched into the speech about doom and vengeance and all that crap.

God this shack smells just awful. I'm going to pay the hookers so they'll leave and catch some shuteye before Mr. Smarty-Pampers comes home.